Love, Bonzo

Time flies! It really does. Just when I thought I would write something in memory of my Bonzo almost a year ago, I couldn't anticipate that I would go about life leaving all his memories behind. But here I am, trying to find words to add something before I post the feelings that I expressed after Bonzo left us, forever. I really had to face hard times for couple of days - I struggled to sink that feeling of loss of a life so close to me in unworldly ways. Time has a way of mending almost everything, and it certainly did as days passed by. I wrote something in order to allow myself to reflect back upon the feelings that played within me. Whatever I wrote down depicts all that I went through (spiritual it may sound, but bear with all my sentiments), and everything speaks in volumes of my love and attachment to that little pet of mine. To you, Bonzo!

2 March 2013

It was Thursday, the 28th of February, the year 2013. I was sleeping on my mattress when the phone rang. I don’t know why but the dream of that late morning will leave me reminded of the horrible nightmare that was yet to unfold. I can still recall what was happening in that short dream. I was looking toward the wet road, wondering how I could run across it to reach out to something or someone (I don’t know what or who). The only pronounced part I can vividly remember is the scene of big rain droplets splattering onto the road, and it seemed the thousand ripples wouldn’t leave my resting mind until the phone call that buzzed my pillow. I answered the phone after I knew it was my father. By the way I spoke to him with my lazy voice, he easily found out that I had been sleeping and wanted me to speak to my mother. She asked me all those regular questions about how I was doing and if there were any classes. After my quick responses, she went on to tell me that whatever she was going to say to me now demanded a strong heart and that I had to confront it with all strength I could release. I wondered for few seconds. “Bonzo is gone”, she said. I could not interpret what I had just heard. As soon as it struck me after probably two seconds, I completely froze. I felt so numb that I could not listen to what she was saying after. The only thing that continuously flashed in my mind at that instant was the picture of Bonzo I had set as wallpaper on my cell phone which broke down a couple of months back. It felt like I was shoveled off by someone and was falling freely without nobody holding me back or pulling me upwards. I got up from my freefall sleep position and continued to hear her while sitting on my bed. I paid attention now and found out in vague details what had happened. I ended the call on their request that I come on Skype. I stood up and headed downstairs towards the bathroom. As I began to wash my face, I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks as if it was a special morning when I did not have to wash my face with water, but rather with teardrops. I became fresh with my mournful eyes and went upstairs to carry on the thirty-minute Skype conversation without observing a single appearance of my closest friend, Bonzo, in many months, and this was to continue ever.It has already been more than one and a half years since I left my home and Bonzo. There was not even a single day when I did not allow his memory to strike my mind. The way we played with each other, his anger when nobody unchained him when he had to desperately meet somebody at his sight who he loved so much, his upbeat mood when he bit my hair and pulled it so hard that I would scold him telling that it hurt-and he would eventually stop, and the way he licked my nose and my cheeks; it all used to play in my head ever since I came to the States. I entertained myself in every situation with all his memories intact. When that grim news surfaced in front of me after two days of the loss, I could not drag myself away from that heavy feeling of restlessness. I forced myself to rewind the memories of my sweet late friend whenever I struggled to continue with one. This kept me oblivious to the school’s surrounding and that was the only way I could look inside of me and find him in the most bright canvas of my soul. I was sure to figure out that that had to be the saddest day of my life so far. Never in my life had I been consumed by the feeling of despair so invincible and magnetic that could rip me off every single moment. The only time I remember myself crying was a long time ago when my devout grandfather passed away and the tears came down like raindrops after the heavy thunderstorm. This time my eyes welled every time a snapshot of Bonzo passed my mind, whether I be in the park behind the school building or be amid regular meetings with my friends. Words did not dare to come out and I could not talk to anyone for the larger part of the day. After all, people would not understand what you are going through when, to measure the affliction of such intensity seems almost impossible. The connection that existed between a human like me and a pet like Bonzo went beyond visible words or so to say, did not in any terms require scrutiny. It developed so beautifully to finally testify to me that such was a blessing I could ever be bestowed by whatever that is running this whole system. I would never exhaust myself by offering my thanks and by ensuring my faith to this power that I now expect to revere only to see my Bonzo and my loved ones in its place when I join them after I’m done here.I was told by someone to write this whole episode just when I was losing my feet. I would have certainly written something even if I was not told, but the power of strokes and words should not be undermined by whoever respecting the kinship. I definitely did get the drive to write. It took me two days to actually open the writer and type the words in. And here I am, writing few words as a tribute to my little brother who left me before I could see and caress him again.I don’t know why but every now and then, I freeze for at least two minutes or so. I pause while I’m changing my clothes or walking through the rooms. His beautiful face appears in front of me like a speeding vehicle passing by;here, it stops and appears to stare at me. I can’t do anything about it. Such moments, such connection. It always seems like just yesterday. Every single moment of him is playing like it just happened a while ago. His sweet memories possess my reality now. I give in and I know I get hurt when I reach the core or tipping point of the recollection. He still shines in the space before me. I am a sole witness to that. I can still feel myself caressing him, can feel my hands running through his eyes to his ears and down his throat. He wouldn’t even know that I was trying to comb his fur and make it kempt. He stood in silence, allowing me to position him and check his body. When I think about all this right now in this very fleeting moment, I can no longer see anything around me. I see only Bonzo with his subordinate, and sometimes, aggressive demeanor, staring at me with his innocent shiny eyes. Look, I can see them right now. Whatever be the norms of life, I wish to have all those energies coming out of us stored or afloat somewhere around me so that once I lose my body, I can guide myself through that amazing wonderland of waves and reunite with my hero so that he could chase me again into the now-magical doors amidst the familiar voices of his keepers.

Everybody says in the time of distress that it’s all about moving on; today you are here in the brink of night, and it disappears without your approval. A new day rises and you are asked to approve it - you have to, you must, you will. This has continued since ages, and I can’t think the other way round (if anything exists out there that is). Moving on is always the hardest part when you know that “something” will not be there to welcome you when you are elated to be back home. Your memories are the ones that plead you to feel the way you would have had that something been still in touch with earth. But I know the cycle of everything, at least I try. Everything goes on and even the sun and the moon continue. I promise myself that I will not remember Bonzo in terms of when we met or how long I enjoyed his company, rather I will cherish his presence in every dog (possibly in every Japanese Spitz, to be specific) I might see between the corners of the world. I am moving on and I know it won’t be much longer before I get a much-needed satisfaction as a result of my writing about something that I admire and enjoy the presence of. That is it, then: I have My Hero safe in my heart.

She

I walked past the coffee shop

And I reached my pocket

Only to find my phone, ringing

It dropped on the ground, and shattered

What followed were painful moments

Of lonely nights and restless fingers

One day a bird showed up, asked me

“Which way the wind blows?” I said,

“It blows where you intend to fly, never stops”

Then, someone woke me up -

I felt disconnected from the ways of life

Was I in a long dream, or awake all the time?

It certainly did not seem either,

I had been mesmerized by the love

Of a lady, magical and distant

Who knew nothing but to stop time

And all that seemed disconnected,

Were in fact doors to her, the one

And such has been my way of life.

Wonderful creation

I came up with this sentence when I was pondering on this little image captured from space:

"We float in the middle of nothingness, and after all, we're nothing but a divine play of the cosmos." 

It's amazing to realize that every single life on earth thrived on this small "blue marble". This divine truth never gets its way through our mind while we seem to be busy with our own dealings. It is quite necessary to realize that we are all but a part of this wonderful sphere, and can never escape the air we're given to live. This has lasted for a number of generations, and yet we refuse to count on it. Every single moment that passes by is the gift we've been bestowed by the whole cosmos. The earth is a part of it, and so are we. It's never late to spend these moments with such a clarity and purity. Behold the infinite beauty of everything we see and never hesitate to find the joy in this place. We all are ONE.

What it is

Talk about Hitler, I never knew him, I never saw him,
You say everything about God and religion and ideologies,
I know nothing about them, well, people pretend to know the truth,
I say, no, look at us, look at everybody, look at nature,
Don't you see the truth?Look at your actions, you exist, it's truth,
Now talk about war, I never spoke of it, I never sang to it,
Do I care, should I care enough, or see people bleeding,
They say, yes, go for the good, better if we burn down walls,
Has the consciousness gone blind, or is it intact, at ease,
Shall we talk about love and hatred?What do we know?
A fragile mind of a child speaks out, to the generations of yore,
They laugh at him, you mindless creature, come to our world,
See the mysteries get unfolded, hidden treasures of future,
Love?We don't know, it's the thing of the past, we are its proud slaves,
Say you're born out of this pride, come out of the shell now, ignite,
On the fire you lay down, all those years went by, did you testify?
Hands on the cradle, sleep through the night, the magic is waiting,
The ghosts have gone away, searching for the light of truth and heavens,
Will our babies tell them about skies and universe and life, or stay quiet,
No, it seems, when death comes your way like a divine blessing,
And the white beast, shining, embraces you till the awakening.

A rebellious leap

Rising Waters


Cruising through this open land, stop the breath you fear
There’s nothing that you could wish
It’s all gone with those chains you broke
A mighty heart has taken over the rules
Be no slave, pay no mind
Don’t you say, just walk away
Right into the mist, rise as a soldier

You know freedom it is, tasting to a high
Searching for a way of life
Comes at a touch of light
Shine the wonders of the night

Crazy birds scatter in the sky
It’s nothing but the joy of life growing around
And we know the story is always on the move
Every road sits, people’s lives change
Always wondered how this has to be
So all bags carried and walked away
In the midst of the rising waters.

You know freedom it is, tasting to a high
Searching for a way of life
Comes at a touch of light
Shine the wonders of the night

A series of similar posts??

I am now posting my regular posts. I realized I need to post what comes to my mind. I will post. The recent posts were the final works of my course I had to accomplish. I might have been too formal in those writings. I will be, but to a less extent. I will be going with more posts soon. Happy end to the semester for me.

Act Now, Don't Care

What I want to say is you just need to get something more out of the Internet service. It has been a boon to the human community, and all remains in the hands of the civilization to do with this benefit. If somebody comes and persuades you to do something through the internet that might cause harm to any group or individual, then it all lies in your conscience and moral values to commit the act. We all need to rethink the purpose of the internet in order to use it wisely and secure our various digital rights. There remains the possibility of countless objections to the solutions proposed to reduce the internet hazards, but the desire to wisely act against the consequences surely outweighs the oppositions. One should not be caring for such objections when it seems that there are a lot of reasonable answers to the existing internet issues. So, I hope that you will take a step forward to aware every individual around you about the consequences and guide them to be more sensible while accessing the internet. This certainly leads to a prosperous digital world with maximum efficiency and hence strengthens the principles of modern technology.